Life On Planet Mars: Audrie, The Wonder Weasel and Why I’m Never Having Kids

Happy Monday, Martians! Allow me to introduce you to the one, the only: Audrie, the Wonder Weasel!!!

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We adopted Audrie from an animal shelter in my Junior year of high school. We aren’t sure as to her actual pedigree, but the running bet in my family is that she’s fox terrier/basenji/beagle/jack russell terrier/weasel/wookie, or some variation of one or more of those breeds.

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This dog is my baby. Those disgusting pet parents that speak to their pets like children and let them sleep in their beds with them and are totally stoked if a wayward doggy lick leads to a tongue in their mouth? I am one of those parents. And I’m proud. Because my little Audrie taught me something very important about myself:

I don’t want to have children.

When I say that to anyone, they instantly start in on, “But you’re so young! You don’t really know your own mind yet…” or “You’ll feel differently when you meet the man of your dreams…”. They may be right. But as it stands, right in this moment, I will never become a mother.

In my mind, there are 1001 reasons why I don’t want to be a mother but, in reality, they’re all based in one fact: I’m human. I’m flawed. I sin. I screw up. I say things and then change my mind. I’m stubborn, pig-headed, self-absorbed, unprepared, impatient and afraid. I don’t want to bring a child into the world unless I’m perfect and perfect is the one thing I will never be.

It doesn’t help that I don’t even really like kids, either. So, I’m just gonna stick with dogs.

Speaking of dogs, here are some cute pictures of mine.

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Mars, signing off. ◇

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